I think I’ve just had an ocular migraine for the first time in my life. Here’s what happened:
A small smear appeared in my vision, like a tiny thumb-print on a pane of glass, which then started slowly expanding. Wherever I looked, it was there to the left side of my vision, but I had the impression it originated in the centre (and moved away every time I tried to look at it). Then it developed flashing rainbow edges, very bright and jagged, which expanded outwards more and more, until, after about 10 or 15 minutes it disappeared. I got the impression it expanded so far that it went outside my field of vision.
It was terrifying. I thought I might be about to have a stroke! But later, when I texted my friend and happened to mention it, she was able to tell me what it was straight away. It’s migraine with aura. And this is the aura. Migraines I’ve had for years and years, but this vision disturbance is brand new to me.
My friend also told me I shouldn’t be on oestrogen HRT if I have aura because there is an increased risk of stroke. All I can say is thank God I’m already almost weaned off the HRT. I’m just doing half a pump of Estradiol gel now (and taking progesterone tablets to protect my womb). I can’t wait to be off all this artificial hormone stuff and go back to my natural state. Hot flushes are far preferable to strokes.
It’s been one of those weeks. I’m plagued by migraines and battling with trying not to take too many triptans. Because OF COURSE, the medication to prevent the pain of a migraine causes severe headaches as a side effect. I mean, any other side effect in the entire world would be fine, but headaches as your punishment for trying to prevent headaches? Well that’s just stupid!
I had to have an MRI on my lower back and pelvis and my claustrophobia took over. I did warn the radiographers about the possibility I might freak out but they didn’t put me in the wide bore machine (I didn’t know there was such a thing until they told me AFTERWARDS). The tube I needed to be put into was so narrow and long that I cried and panicked and had to stop the procedure. In the end I did manage to get the scan done in entirety but it was touch and go and such a lot of drama and sweating and worry. And I got a migraine of course.
When I got home there was ANOTHER speeding fine waiting for me. I had been snapped doing 39 in a 30 on a lonely country road where they had inexplicably put up permanent average speed cameras. I had never driven that road in my life before (the satnav failed and I couldn’t see because I need glasses for the screen but no glasses for driving. It was a nightmare with the glasses going on and off every few seconds). I’m especially short of money this week, I’m not sure I even have enough to pay the rent. A speeding fine was the last thing I wanted. And I already have six points on my license.
Then I got an appointment through with the date I need to have a mole removed from my back: exactly the same day and time as my son is booked in to the dentist to get his mouth measured for braces. What can a single mother do? It’s LOCKDOWN but I can’t be in these two places at once, and changing appointments is not something you do these days. Appointments are like gold dust. If you cancel there won’t be another one for MONTHS. So I’ve had to ask my ex-husband to take our son, even though it mixes our two households. But I don’t have a choice. Single mothers rely on help from family and friends merely to get by and have a normal life.
The weather is awful. It’s dingy and GLOOMY and very windy and rainy all day long. Day light arrives reluctantly and vanishes as soon as possible. It’s 10:00 o’clock in the morning and yet we need the lights on inside the house. I need to do something to buoy me up so I might rifle through the garage to see if I have any fairy lights I can put up. Fairy lights are sparkly, cheery mood enhancers. And I’ve decided to put the Christmas tree up at the end of November. We need to do everything we can to keep our spirits up.