Last night I was really tired. I knew my makeup was smeared under my eyes giving me a vampiric look, but I planned to take it off when I went upstairs to bed. I couldn’t be bothered to do it right then. I had just put the kids to sleep and come downstairs to apply my HRT gel.
To do this I have to strip down to my bra and apply it over my arms and shoulders, then leave it to dry for five minutes before I can get dressed again. I was wearing my least attractive, skin-coloured bra, and after I’d smeared on the gel and washed my hands I sat down in the armchair to check my messages on my phone.
Suddenly, somehow, my phone dialled my new boyfriend on video call! Seriously! I didn’t realise what was happening at first, so I was just staring at my phone trying to figure out why the screen had changed, scowling and feeling confused. The angle of the phone was from below, giving the effect of a huge, pointed nose and a view straight up my nostrils. The screen, which was mysteriously in selfie video mode, suddenly gave me a vision of myself and I couldn’t have looked more ugly if I’d tried. I was a horrible naked mutant goth rodent.
It was at that moment that I realised what was going on and went into absolute PANIC STATIONS pressing every button on the phone in my desperation to close it down and stop the call. Eventually I had the luck of sliding a button icon sideways which ended it, but I was so worried he had already answered or looked at his phone and glimpsed this traumatising live image.
I immediately went on WhatsApp and sent him a note apologising for calling him accidentally, but he seemed unperturbed and said he hadn’t realised I was calling. Do I believe him? I have to for my own sanity. But to prevent any more cold sweats and potential heart attacks I’ve made a note to make sure I handle my phone very carefully in future. I have no idea how it started dialling on video mode, it was the last thing I wanted. Sometimes technology sets nasty traps.